Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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