woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
