i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
