when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
