We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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