3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
