singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
