did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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