Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
