One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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