i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The air was thick with penises
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
