I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
