smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
