it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
