Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize