Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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