I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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