I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
