I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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