I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
should my penis look like a turkey
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
