when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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