I bet he comes in French.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
