I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
