She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
