tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
