I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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