Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's shark week go big or go home
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
