Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So. Much. Porn.
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