literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
