i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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