do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
