did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
