Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
