would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
