i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
