My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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