My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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