Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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