I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
