You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
