remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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