I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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