I don't usually arrange sex via text message
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Edward fifth and chaser hands
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
