Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
