I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
