apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
