This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize