I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
