Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All the doctor said was why
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
