The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I forget how to act sober
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
