Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
