Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
