Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
