I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
