everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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