Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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