i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
