well I can't set my house on fire every night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
