I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
