Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
