there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
