Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
