Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
