Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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