i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
