yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
